We've received word from our handlers that we're prohibited from divulging this information to the general public. We're going to do it anyway. This may be some juice you've got to drink to believe, but take our word for it. THESE ARE ALMOST ALL TOTALLY REAL FACTS. Read on if you dare.
1. Cats have their own internet, and it's full of cute pictures of us that they make numerical lists of our faces with and share with their cat-friends.
They still use Twitter, though.
2. Planet X (also called Nibiru) will collide with Earth at the end of the year and that will be the end of the world and scientists know but won't tell us.
Aliens from the Zeta Reticuli system told Nancy Lieder about it using an implant in her brain so it must be true.
3. Someone or something really is stealing half of all our socks in the world's largest laundry conspiracy.
There is an army of one-footed people living in our appliances, we know it.
4. Keanu Reeves is actually Paul Mounet, a French actor born in the 1800s and he is just masquerading as one of us.
The source of his immortality is unknown!
5. Aliens exist and have crashed here and met with world leaders and helped us avoid world-ending disasters.
We want to believe that Will Smith really can outrun a Cephalapoid on foot.
6. The Apollo 11 moon landing was a hoax, shot in a studio in Hollywood, and we've never actually been to the moon because it is impossible because it's made of cheese.
How else can you explain how someone keeps taking bites out of it?
7. The Illuminati run the entertainment industry, using mind control and the media to brainwash us and the music industry is their favorite weapon and all artists are brainwashed puppets singing about world domination.
Your best bet is to turn off your TV and throw away your iPod and only read books about other books.
8. Area 51 is a secret military base where scientists work with extra-terrestrials to replicate alien technology on Earth and time travel and teleportation and secret weapons in secrecy.
Totally a secret base, except that everyone knows that it exists and where it is.
9. Scientists have discovered the unidentified noise known as "The Bloop" is actually the war cry of an underwater monster as old as the dinosaurs capable of destroying large seacraft.
Sure the food is free on that cruise, but is it worth the risk?
10. The Earth is hollow and/or contains a substantial interior space where other beings dwell and this is where UFOs actually come from and Jules Verne has been there.
It's where underground culture really comes from too.
11. The New World Order invented dinosaurs to discourage time travel.
Their secret base is in the past!
12. There are a ton of evil hidden messages and symbols pertaining to the Illuminati hidden in plain sight, including in monuments, airports, and even in our currency, just look at this well thought-out diagram!
Because there is nothing scarier than word association
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