Cats who help you write your novel are notorious for reminding you that Graham Greene woke up every morning and wrote exactly 500 words. This is particularly obnoxious because most cats havent even read anything written before the 21st century and probably only have the vaguest sense of who Graham Greene is anyway.
It is almost never worth it to engage the services of a majestic horse to help you walk your dog. An otherwise simple task is guaranteed to get weird and disastrous in a hurry.
Hedgies are notorious for trying to help you with your history homework. Feel free to take their advice, but be mindful of the fact that most of them have an unapologetically Marxist ideology.
Cats who show you how to brush your hair can be extremely useful to have around on those mornings when you have forgotten literally everything about how to live your life.
Dogs who offer to help you get the cat in have ulterior motives and shouldnt be trusted.
Don't press a cat who thinks she is saving the day too hard about what, precisely, she is saving. Animals with this tendency have very delicate sensibilities, and it can be very depressing for both of you if you accidentally burst their bubbles.
Are you upside-down, or is the world upside-down? Or is "right-side up" just aconcept that's been forced on you by an oppressive patriarchal hegemony? Think about it, man.
Never trust a puppy who is overeager to help you fill out a questionnaire. Nine times out of ten there is something in the fine print that'll end up with your living in a kennel or something.
A word of warning: Things can get pretty existential pretty quickly when you rely on the hedgehog to get you in a celebratory mood.
These helpful animals will also help you to take a more expansive view of the meaning of the words "help," "relax," and "hammock."
Watch kittens are prone both to crying wolf when there's nothing to worry about and falling asleep or losing interest when there is. It is highly recommended that you rely on some kind of an automated system if you are genuinely worried about security.
Poms are the perfect dog for sock modeling, though you may need to ask yourself some uncomfortable questions about some of the things that you think are an appropriate use of your time.
Cats make great sous chefs, but be sure to double-check the cookbook after they read the recipe to you, on account of they are all completely illiterate.
Cats are notoriously clean animals, and they can be great helpers when it comes to laundry time, provided you need someone to sit in your laundry.
Dogs and goats make great dish inspectors, which is a thing that any sophisticated household requires unless you're willing to let your dishes go uninspected. Which, well, do so at your peril.
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